In Memory of Crackers Boyle
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A letter written by Cracker's Mom Maria Boyle
September 13, 2004
MY Dearest Crackers
I can't take this pain. Crackers I miss you so much. I am so sorry that I could not make you well enough to be with me, Casey, Peanut, Bailey & your daddy Jimmy. I am trying so hard not to cry, but I can't. Casey and Peanut are grieving too. They are not their joyful playful little ones since you have left us. I am crying rivers of tears, when will it stop? I wish I could still hold you. You loved me the most of all my girls. They love me too but you were my little shadow. You were always tugging at my feet to pick you up. You always had to sleep under the covers snuggled on my left, your little fur touching my skin. When ever I slept on my back you would climb on my chest and go to sleep there. Then I would not move so I would not disturb you. You would wake me in the middle of the night if the sheets were too wrapped around me and you couldn't get underneath. I would pull the covers and you would be so happy and go to sleep snuggle right up against me. You were too little to jump up on the bed and I had to pick you up and put you there. You would jump off the bed a million times during the night to go potty then you would come back and grunt very low so I would put you back in bed. If I didn't hear you, your grunts would get louder and louder until you would just bark and bark to wake me. I never used to get enough sleep, until I found a solution and got you doggy steps to the bed so you could climb back in on your own. The first time you tried to climb those steps I thought I had wasted my money because you would try to jump onto the steps and never get past that step because your head would bang into the next step. In time you learned how to get past that and you became a pro at climbing into bed. You were such a pro that no matter what was in the way you would manage to get in bed. During the day I would always have to keep the bedroom door closed because you loved to be in my bed and sleeping on my softest pillow. It didn't matter if I had three pillows stacked up one on top of the other. You always managed to get to the highest point and go to sleep. When ever I could not find you, I knew I had forgotten to close the bedroom door. I would come to look and there you would be on top of my favorite softest pillow. You loved playing in bed with me, jumping back and forth, hopping over the comforter and anything that got in your way like a little bunny rabbit.
Whenever you were with me, you would never let daddy or my other girls get close. You always growled at them and if they got too close you would jump on them like a wild tiger and try to bite their little necks. That would always make me laugh because you had no teeth to bite them with. When ever I was lying on the sofa to watch TV, You always had to lie on top of me. If Daddy Jimmy would approach, you would attack him too. Jimmy loved to play that little game with you. He would come close and if he so much as tried to touch my toe you would leap off my chest and try to gum him to death. You were always so happy to see me, whenever I got home. I miss that little spin and dance you used to do for me whenever I asked you if you were hungry. You brought so much joy into my life. And now you’re gone.
Oh Crackers how I miss you so. I hope it is true that there is a place called the Rainbow Bridge and you are running pain free. I hope you are not suffering like I am. I miss you so much it hurts. I hope that your little spirit is here with me still doing all those things you used to do. My heart aches so much. I know that in time I will be ok because you are no longer suffering. My other girls are so sad too. I don't know if they are sad because they miss you or because they see their mommy crying so much.
On Saturday September 11th, the day I helped you to the Bridge, I sat on the living room couch when I got home. Casey did the strangest thing; she stood by your little bed, the new one I had gotten you not too long ago. She sat there and stared, and then she started looking ahead as if she were following something. Casey began to growl and follow her eyes on something and went to the water bowl and growled some more. Then she went back to your little bed and started barking non stop. Were you here, my sweet little Angel?
I pray to God that you are happy and painfree and that he takes away this pain in my heart. You were my sweetest tiniest baby weighing only two pounds. Every person that ever laid eyes on you wanted me to give you to them. But not a chance, I knew I would keep you for ever. I love you Crackers! Till we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.
You will forever be in my Heart.
I love you Always
Mommy
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